Ah, independence. Isn't that the anthem of any spry 20-something?
But while some my age are just discovering their yearn for independence, this isn't a new song for me.
I've always been fiercely independent. That stems from the fact that I'm impeccably stubborn.
For me, independence has always been the more comfortable choice.
Taking care of myself. Figuring things out by myself. Operating on my own schedule.
And I've found that independence can be a great, rewarding adventure.
I've seen the fruits of independence flourish.
Self discovery, the ability to solve problems, productivity, resilience, self respect.
But as much as I love my independent nature, I have to ask: Is it selfish to be independent?
Overly independent people tend to protect themselves from potential vulnerabilities. In nature- in the wild- that's a good thing. You don't get eaten by bears that way. But in society, a place where (sure, some people are out to get you) but others just want to love and befriend you, shouldn't you be willing to compromise your independent spirit in hopes that you can lower your guard and become closer to people?
This week I've learned that there is a lot to be learned from vulnerability and exposing yourself to others.
I always thought that asking for help was considered "selfish", or that it meant that I wasn't a strong enough person to figure out something on my own.
Last week I had surgery on my knee, landing me in crutches for 6 weeks. That's 42 days of compromised mobility. Not the most practical predicament for a college student. In one week alone, I've had to rely on others for rides to and from wherever I needed to be. I've avoided going grocery shopping because I can't stand the idea of not being able to do that by myself. And I have developed a really great maneuver for charging through doors so that they fly open for just the right amount of time for me to shuffle through them.
Every time during the past week that I've had to ask for help, or accept help that has been offered, I felt a little bit defeated.
{{{ I should backtrack by mentioning that the situation with my knee is relatively not that bad at all. I am fortunate that despite all of my running the past few years, my knee pain was not actually a result from being athletic, but rather a bone deformity that occurred when I was younger. Six weeks on crutches in nothing compared to tearing an ACL and facing up to a year in recovery, or becoming permanently handicapped from a serious accident. I hope that this prose does not come off as a complaint, but rather as an explanation of the inconvenience I've had to face and what I've been able to learn from it.
}}}
So returning to the original train of thought...
I know that I'm strong willed and even defiant. These are traits that are very much a part of who I am. I would never abandon them; I recognize their importance in my life. But I also realize the obstacles they may provide.
Because it is not comfortable for me to not practice independence, I've had to muster up a tremendous amount of courage to ask for the things that I need. And as it turns out, I've received so much more than I ever asked for.
In a week I've learned that there is no shame in reliance. People who care about you want to help you. By rejecting their sentiments, you are rejecting the ability to let them care for you. Being loved and cared for doesn't make you less strong, or less independent. It just makes you peg-legged and in need of a good friend and helping hand.
A special thanks is in order to all of my friends and family who have been especially supportive and loving during my recovery process. It truly means the world.
