So, I'm Not A Pediatrician, But...

When I was young, I wanted to be a pilot, an actress, and a pediatrician.  (Not just one of those.  All of those.)  By the time I made it to 5th grade, I had decided to settle solely on being a pediatrician.  Then I saw Legally Blonde and decided I wanted to be a lawyer.  But mostly I still wanted to be a pediatrician.  I wanted to help people, especially people in the small variety.  But as I went on through school and discovered my intolerance for blood and other "gross" things, my feelings waned.  And when I had to dissect a mink in A&P my junior year of high school, I gave up all hope of ever becoming a doctor (and instead became a vegetarian for 3 years...)

My interests then led me towards business.  I guess in hindsight, that all makes sense... I played a mean game of Monopoly as a child.  (The only person that would ever beat me was my grandpa, because he wouldn't trade me his railroads.)

So now I'm getting ready to graduate and this summer I'm gaining a taste of the "business world", which is not always known for being particularly kind or in the business of "helping people".  But I'm finding that it can be.  In the last few years especially, several corporations are participating in philanthropic activities.  And they're not just donating money, they're donating useful resources.

It's absolutely a priority that I work for a company who is not just morally sound, but proactive in their communities.  So Target wins another point for being at awesome at doing just that.  Not only does Target donate 5% back into communities (which amounts to almost 4 million dollars a week), but they coordinate community events and improvement projects.

Last summer I participated in Operation Food Search St. Louis:

And last week I kicked off the Target community service for the summer by helping out at a local school that is going through re-structuring:

So yeah, working and making money is cool and all.  But it's really all about it not being all about you.  I don't know what I'll do with the rest of my life, but I hope that I can at least remember that much.  I think it's possible to find opportunities in any occupation to make a difference, and to truly help people.  

But mad props to all the doctors out there.  Srrsly.  

My 2 Personalities Aren't Getting Along

I've always been a little bit of an overachiever.  This usually works in my favor, but not when I'm a junior experiencing a heavy wave of senioritis, you know, that thing typically reserved for seniors.  Time to pull back on the reigns.

I've always been a fairly strong Type-A personality.

I'm a planner, so I like to know where my life is headed.  I like to have a "safe" backup; I don't like surprises.  

But then there's another side.

I'm also a dreamer.  I always want more: more excitement, more thrill, more challenge.  I like a chase.  I like the fear of uncertainty and risk.

Confusing, right?  Completely different.  

Normally, Type-A Sarah dominates herself.   She's in charge.  She's a bossy.  She likes to push herself.

But as of late, Hippie Sarah has been taking over. 

Hippie Sarah wants to forget all responsibility. She wants to get lost in 1000 Hills and spend all her money to travel across Europe while staying in random hostels.  She wants to work for a micro-financier in Bangledesh.  She wants to listen to Iron & Wine all day with the windows open and a peppermint candle lit (in April).  She wants to walk around barefoot.  She wants to climb trees.

These two have got to learn to live with each other...  But then again, maybe they already do.  Maybe they actually need each other to survive the crazy world of Sarah.  

I'm a dreamer, I let my mind wander.  I'm never content.  And if that were the end of it... I'd be successful only at being a pessimistic bum.  Instead I refuse to accept this discontent, I fight against it.  And it's just starting to all make sense.  Hippie Sarah actually ignites Type-A Sarah... and Type-A Sarah gets its soul from Hippie Sarah.  

Teamwork.  Harmony.

Where did all of this start?  Well, from thinking about my future.  Life directly after college, specifically. 

I thought that getting a competitive internship and (likely) proceeding job offer would make me feel accomplished.  I would graduate, start working at a decent salary, get my MBA a couple of years later, move up the corporate ladder... Everything I've been working for.  But as soon as I get it, I don't know if I'm content anymore.

The marathon is another example.  I'm literally more scared for the after-effects of my upcoming marathon than for the marathon itself.  When it's is over, how am I going to feel after I've worn out the excitement and sense of accomplishment?  I'm terrified that I'll just feel disappointed that I actually completed something I never thought I could do.

And it's been like this with everything in my life.  I'll set a goal.. work stupidly hard at achieving it.  Bask in the joy of accomplishment.  And then be discontent and yearning.  

Of course, I don't like failing, but success is a double edged sword.  After the initial excitement wears off, where are you left?  Feeling unchallenged, or stressed by the idea of finding new, more rigorous challenges.  I guess that feeling of discontent is what drives me.  

In conclusion.. sigh.  I don't know.  I'm going here: