I.AM.FREAKING.OUT.
I've had butterflies in my stomach all week, and just a general sense of unease. I question my readiness to run 26.2 miles. But deep down, I know that I can do this. I followed my training plan and did everything I was supposed to do to prepare for this. I completed my longest training run 4 weeks ago and have been tapering ever since. I've been eating lots of healthy carbs the past few days. And I have the perfect marathon outfit picked out... the perfect Asics socks, Brooks shoes, Nike tempo shorts, Nike dryfit tee, and an Under Armor wicking cap. I have the perfect playlist for my baby ipod shuffle. My number is pinned to my shirt (1188.. I like the double numbers there, or maybe I'm just clinging onto any sign of luck that I can find).
AHHHH!
Two years ago, when I finished my first half, several people told me that I would want to eventually run a full. I always said, "No way - that's crazy. Your body isn't made to handle that. It's just too much pressure. And training for that would be too intense or take too long. I'm content running the half." Not that I necessarily disagree with all of those statements now. I still think that the marathon is a pretty ridiculous feat, the kind that you complete just once in your life to say that you did. Or at least that's how it starts before it pulls you into its evil allure. I'm already guilty of the catching the marathon bug, having already signed up for the full marathon in the St. Louis Rock n' Roll series (I wanted to beat the price increase deadline...) But still, I wouldn't think twice about dropping down to the half and eating the cost. Why? After training for a full marathon, the half just seems to be the perfect challenge: you know... challenging, yet reasonable and approachable. The full? He's a pompous, selfish jerk. He wants too much of you. He consumes you, he eats away at any other thoughts you might have. And that's why I just want to kick him. He deserves a good, swift kick.
It might sound like I hate the marathon, but that's really not the case. Au contraire, I've enjoyed the challenge of training. I've enjoyed learning more about myself: my limitations, vulnerabilities, and strength. Running has given me solitude and peace: something that everyone needs to experience. If you can handle being alone, with only your own random and weird thoughts, for hours... then you really learn who you are and what you want to do with your life. Running has made me grow up.
When I finish the marathon tomorrow, I know it will be a great achievement, but I'm not sure how I'll feel about it. I guess we'll reflect tomorrow :)
...
Sunday, April 15th - 4:30 a.m.
I.AM.SO.EXCITED!
This is actually about to happen! Ahhhh!
I woke up around 4 and ran around a little bit to wake myself up. I drank (2) 16 oz. bottles of water before grabbing a couple of cups of coffee. Bah humbug to the supposed rule that you shouldn't drink coffee before running... how can you not? Apparently it dehydrates you, but whatevs. I need my caffeine. I also ate a small banana and a piece of whole wheat toast with Nutella. Sugar&carbs, sugar&carbs, sugar&carbs!
To ease my nerves, I flipped on the TV. I almost settled on VH1's Jumpstart but then I saw that The Color of Friendship was playing on Disney Channel. I love that movie! I wish they played it at times other than 4:30 in the morning...
I also remembered this morning that I forgot to fill out the emergency contact information on the back of my bib. Since I fully plan on passing out sometime during the race, this is a horrible detail to overlook. But that's all fixed now.
I don't have any pre-race rituals per se, except for the fact that I've worn the same sportsbra to every Go! St. Louis event. So I guess I'll stick with what I know there.
I'm bringing some VitaCoco coconut water with me to the start line... I swear by the stuff. It's super hydrating, contains electrolytes, has just a bit of energizing sugar, and 95 quick calories to get me started. I am also bringing ibuprofen with me. No shame in poppping a few right before the race starts.
Sunday, April 15th - 5:00 p.m.
OWWWWWWWWWWW.
I finished the marathon!! I am so tired, and in quite a bit of pain. But I couldn't be happier about this accomplishment. Here's how the event went...
I got to the starting area of the marathon (on Market Street) at about 6:10. I loosened my muscles a bit, sipped on my coconut water, and just took in the atmosphere of excitement. It was here that I first toggled with my baby iPod (my affectionate naming for my little blue iPod shuffle) and realized that it wasn't working. I vaguely remember plugging it in after I made my marathon playlist and a message popping up - saying that the iPod was "corrupted". I didn't give it much of a thought. But I guess that corrupted iPods don't like to play music. Makes sense in hindsight. So, I swallowed a pill of reality right then and there: the marathon that lied ahead would be ran music-less. It would be just me and the marathon.
(A quick note on my running and music usage: I definitely complete some runs without listening to music. Especially if I'm running somewhere especially pretty or if I'm just in a super internally-motivated mood. With my previous long distance racing experience, I've always worn my iPod and used it sparingly... playing a song here and there when I need a dose of energy. That's why I was extremely disappointed to find that I'd be running the entire marathon music-less. I literally had a craving for music.)
I couldn't spend time being upset about the iPod fiasco, I had a race to line up for. I headed to my corral at about 6:30 to patiently wait for the start. While standing there, I noticed my friend Rachelle pass by. We got to chat until the start of the race, which was great for helping to calm my nerves.
My thoughts at the start line were something along the lines of:
"What am I doing?"
"Oh my gosh, I'm seriously about to run a marathon"
"I hope I can do this"
"Shoot, better double-knot my shoes"
The national anthem was sung, followed by the start of the wheelchair marathon. Then the elite runners were released. And then it was our turn! There were about 15,000 runners lined up, and I was in corral C, so it took a while to actually cross the starting line and begin the race. I started about 8 minutes after the official start.
Here's an idea of the race course. And I guess we'll do a quick recap.
Miles 1-4: Super chill! Rachelle and I stayed together for the beginning of the race. It's a gorgeous day, and the first few views are great. We started on Market street, across from the courthouse, heading towards the Arch. We made a turn and headed towards Soulard (the most fun STL neighborhood ever - they are always outside cheering for runners and playing music) and then towards the AB brewery. Every Go! race I've participated in (well, this is just the 4th) runs by the brewery, and it's always my least favorite part. I absolutely hate the smell of hops or whatever it is that goes on in there. But today was more mild than usual, so that was a welcome surprise.
Mile 5: I saw some red hair up ahead of me and had a hunch that it was my bestie, Brit. I stalked her for a couple seconds before deciding that it really was her and screaming her name.
Mile 6-10: Rachelle, Brittany, and I continued sailing on our way. We dominated the hills on Olive and we were all looking and feeling good. It was really nice to have the company of friends, especially sans music.
Mile 10: This is where the marathon course split off from the half-marathon. It was sort of dramatic, like I was being sent off into the wild blue yonder, away from my friends and most of the other event participants (only about 2000 people run the full marathon, the rest run the half). I got in a separate lane and continued down (what I guess was) Market, under the hospital, and into Forest Park.
Mile 13: "You're halfway there"... gee, thanks.
Mile 16: This was probably my defining moment. There's really nothing like seeing the 16 mile marker and thinking, "only 10 more miles".
Mile 17: I saw a spectator wearing a t shirt with the flag of England on it. Had I had my music, I probably would have just thought to myself, "Nice shirt". Since I was getting a little bored with life at that point, I decided instead to say to him, in a British accent, "I like your shirt, chap. Very nice!" to which he responded, also in a British accent, "Cheerio!" ... Seriously.
Mile 17-20: I think this was about the time that we ran through the U-City loop. That was definitely one of my favorite parts. It's just so weird to be running down a blocked off street that is normally so busy. Window shopping kept my mind off of the pain for at least a little bit.
Mile 20: So apparently this is where most people hit the "wall" - the time when glycogen stores in your muscles are all used up, and your body struggles tremendously despite your mental will power. I was dreading this "wall" but I didn't quite hit it here.
Mile 21: Now I hit the "wall". I'm not sure how to explain what happened here, I just all of a sudden felt very overwhelmed by this whole marathon thing. It was both a physical and emotional wall for me. I literally burst into tears... I'm not completely sure if it was because I was so happy, and that my goal was so close to being within reach, or if it was because I was in just that much pain. My head was like, "Sarah! What's wrong with you?" Needless to say, I had a lot of trouble breathing here. For that reason, I broke my goal to run the whole thing and walked for a bit. I had to force myself to take deep breaths. Or not even deep breaths necessarily, just not shallow breaths. I think this was the closest thing to hyperventilating that I've ever experienced. It was just so odd.
Mile 22: It was here that I found the perfect napping spot. All I wanted to do at this point was stop running and go to sleep. I didn't want to walk, walking hurt more than running. But I was still dealing with my breathing thing and running was practically killing me. There was this ever-so-tempting shady and grassy area. Would have made the perfect nap spot. I somehow resisted and carried on my way.
Mile 22-25: Geez, I don't even know what happened here. Everything was literally a blur.
Mile 25: My 2nd breakdown of the race. (I know, I know.. I was such an emotional WRECK.) The culprit this time? "We are Young" by Fun being blasted through some speakers that were set up by a volunteer station.
I was like... "Yes. I am young. And I'm running a marathon. And I love this song."
Mile 25-26.2: I finished strong, I definitely found my stride. The finish line is visible for the last .5 miles or so, so that's definitely motivating. I passed the 26 mile marker and then booked it in with just about everything I had left. Since I was the only one finishing at that moment, the announcer called me out specifically ... "Sarah from Kirksville, Missouri! Just finished the maraaaaathooonnn!" Cue cry time number 3.
I can't explain what it is about the marathon that is so emotional. I guess a good start is to say that when something is a conscious goal on your mind for 4 months, and then it comes to a close, it's both a joyful and sad experience. Not that I doubted that I could do this, but.. I actually did it now. Oh my gosh. It's just numbing.
So, will I do another full marathon? I honestly don't think so. I think my body hates me right now. Like, I just peeled two toes apart. What the heck. And I'm probably going to be limping up and down stairs for at least a week. As far as purely road racing goes, I really enjoy the challenge that the half provides. I am looking to do a Warrior Dash and/or Tough Mudder race... which is a 5k and 12 mile run, respectively. The kicker is that they're done while running through the mud and completing various obstacles along the way, like jumping over fire and stuff. Sounds like fun!
Words won't describe exactly what running a marathon has done for my spirit. It was one of the most self-educational experiences. I'm glad I did it, but I'm also glad it's over. I'm ready to get back to different kinds of workouts besides just running all the time. That being said, I would encourage anyone who thinks that they may even want to do it *just a little bit* to go for it! It's a life accomplishment that will teach you about yourself and that you'll remember forever. I'll never forget this.
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