My 2 Personalities Aren't Getting Along

I've always been a little bit of an overachiever.  This usually works in my favor, but not when I'm a junior experiencing a heavy wave of senioritis, you know, that thing typically reserved for seniors.  Time to pull back on the reigns.

I've always been a fairly strong Type-A personality.

I'm a planner, so I like to know where my life is headed.  I like to have a "safe" backup; I don't like surprises.  

But then there's another side.

I'm also a dreamer.  I always want more: more excitement, more thrill, more challenge.  I like a chase.  I like the fear of uncertainty and risk.

Confusing, right?  Completely different.  

Normally, Type-A Sarah dominates herself.   She's in charge.  She's a bossy.  She likes to push herself.

But as of late, Hippie Sarah has been taking over. 

Hippie Sarah wants to forget all responsibility. She wants to get lost in 1000 Hills and spend all her money to travel across Europe while staying in random hostels.  She wants to work for a micro-financier in Bangledesh.  She wants to listen to Iron & Wine all day with the windows open and a peppermint candle lit (in April).  She wants to walk around barefoot.  She wants to climb trees.

These two have got to learn to live with each other...  But then again, maybe they already do.  Maybe they actually need each other to survive the crazy world of Sarah.  

I'm a dreamer, I let my mind wander.  I'm never content.  And if that were the end of it... I'd be successful only at being a pessimistic bum.  Instead I refuse to accept this discontent, I fight against it.  And it's just starting to all make sense.  Hippie Sarah actually ignites Type-A Sarah... and Type-A Sarah gets its soul from Hippie Sarah.  

Teamwork.  Harmony.

Where did all of this start?  Well, from thinking about my future.  Life directly after college, specifically. 

I thought that getting a competitive internship and (likely) proceeding job offer would make me feel accomplished.  I would graduate, start working at a decent salary, get my MBA a couple of years later, move up the corporate ladder... Everything I've been working for.  But as soon as I get it, I don't know if I'm content anymore.

The marathon is another example.  I'm literally more scared for the after-effects of my upcoming marathon than for the marathon itself.  When it's is over, how am I going to feel after I've worn out the excitement and sense of accomplishment?  I'm terrified that I'll just feel disappointed that I actually completed something I never thought I could do.

And it's been like this with everything in my life.  I'll set a goal.. work stupidly hard at achieving it.  Bask in the joy of accomplishment.  And then be discontent and yearning.  

Of course, I don't like failing, but success is a double edged sword.  After the initial excitement wears off, where are you left?  Feeling unchallenged, or stressed by the idea of finding new, more rigorous challenges.  I guess that feeling of discontent is what drives me.  

In conclusion.. sigh.  I don't know.  I'm going here: